Loneliness: A Loving Reminder

Lonely. I think we all get this way sometimes. I know I have especially for the past few months. It is absolutely true that I am an independent girl; I prefer to go my own direction rather than having to follow others. You will never catch me at a party. In fact, I am reluctant to even hang out with people I consider 'friends' outside of the work or school environment I know them in. I am very strict in defining people in the categories of acquaintances and of friends. My friends are personal, close, know a great deal about me, and on my 'talk to whenever I can catch them list.' And honestly, not many people make that list. Only recently has that list bloomed into a size far beyond what it ever has. Ironically, all the people on that list I have yet to meet in person.

I think it is only fair I admit this: I am caught in a whirlwind of culture verses my beliefs. There are so many times when I look at the lives of others with longing, as they seemingly possess something I don't have. They hang out with people at parties, and they are constantly calling one another with updates about their lives. But, most importantly, they get to see each other face-to-face all the time, a luxury I don't have. There are days when I just come home and sit down in my favorite rocker and think. I think about the life I could have. I wrestle with the thoughts of giving in just slightly to taste the lives other people have. I attack the feelings of loneliness, combating them with the same defenses I have used for years. Eventually, I give up, shove my feelings back into their box and move on with my day. I don't have time to sit and ponder the pros and cons of life with the world or life with others who don't entirely share my values. I have people who depend on me to be there and depend on me to get things done. And I need to get those things done.

A dear friend of mine broached this subject with me just a night ago, asking if I ever felt lonely. I was so tempted to say I didn't, honestly. I am the type of person that tends to shove those things under the rug and move on. There are more important things in life. But, I think the Lord has an amazing way of bringing up un-addressed topics among friends so that the person avoiding it gets to be the one that provides the comfort and the answers. And I responded with the answers that first popped into my mind, only to realize they were the words I needed to hear. See, the moment I spoke the words I did, I realized I had just switched sides. I was no longer on defense, but on offense, where I always should have been.

Loneliness is a healthy feeling. It is a feeling that reminds us that we are only a small part of this world. It reminds us that we need to fellowship with other Christians and that God works through other Christians to keep our souls alive and healthy. It is not a feeling to shy away from so much as it is one to welcome. But, one needs to approach the feeling of loneliness with the right attitude. The people who are out there hanging out with friends and attending parties absent of healthy Christian fellowship are more empty than you are without the fellowship. The activity of others is a disillusion that Satan wants us to buy into. Satan wants us to long for more and question what we are currently doing or advocating that moment. It is his job to get us to think that way. Yet, it is in these moments that we need to realize how blessed we really are. You don't have to have a whole list of people to call friends in order to be content or to have your heart filled with joy; you only need a few who love you just as much as you love them and are willing to listen to you at any point and time. You don't need to be around those people all the time to be able to truly discuss life with them or develop an even deeper friendship through prayer. The hearts of two people who pray for each other on a daily basis and truly care about one another will honestly watch their friendship grow stronger, no matter how many miles separate them.

My list of friends remains mostly online. Though the list is much longer than it used to be, it is still short. But, the fact of the matter is that every time I look at that list, I realize just how much God has answered my prayers. I had prayed for years to have people I could call friends. I had miraculously been spared the predicted path of the typical public-schooled child, who experimented in just about every area and tried to gain approval. How I ever had patience and headstrong spirit enough to endure and overcome those temptations before I was a Christian is far beyond me. My decisions to avoid those possibilities lead me to have very few friends, and what friends I did have were people searching for a way to use me for their own purposes. So, when I look at who I have in my life today, my brothers and sisters in Christ I had given up hope of existing years before, I realize how rich I really am. He has given me far more than I deserved and answered my prayers far beyond what I would have imagined.

Yet, what do I do? I forget. I forget what it was like years ago and set goals based off of today. I see my life as lacking, as lonely, as empty. And I face the same temptations and struggles I faced years ago because I allow my heart to focus on what I don't have rather than what I do have. As much as you may not want to hear this, let it be known that loneliness is not a reminder of what you don't have or what you need to achieve. That prick of destitute and inferiority is your reminder that you have more than you need because you are wanting more. We, as richly blessed sons and daughters of the Lord, have more than we need. I do not want you to compare yourself to the people out there who are in situations where they have no friends. We are not to compare ourselves to others in order to measure our reapings. Instead, we are to look at what we do have and realize how much extra we have, realize how much He has blessed us with.

See, in my eyes, we aren't all that lonely. We have a Father who loves us, many of us have family that love us, and many of us have people that care deeply about us in our lives. We are blessed with more than we need, with extra love and extra reminders of how much He wishes to pour into our lives. And yes, we will forget this or ignore it or both numerous times throughout our lives. The point is the more we learn to recognize it, the more we can take offense against it. We no longer have to defend ourselves from the attack in listing all the friends we have and counteracting all the statements our hearts tell us. Instead, we can simply smile and say "He has blessed me beyond measure" and thank Him for the reminder. This life is too short to spend our days worrying about our social life. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. And with that calling comes the most satisfying days we could ever wish for. Live in them; dwell in them; love them.

Cross the Line

You know that mysterious line in the sand that you were ordered to never cross? It mocks you, doesn't it? It frightens and entices you, doesn't it? Right beyond that line of sand stands a ledge of some sort. You can't see over the ledge, no matter how close to the line you lean. That mocks you too doesn't it? You just want to see beyond; you want to see what you are not allowed to see. You want to know what is so dangerous over there, what screams for you but tells you never to go. Conflicting, but nevertheless, amazing. I see the cocked head; the tip toe steps over to that line; the temptation to peer over that ledge, just to see what's beyond it. I can see your eyes meet mine and tell me to get to the point through gritted teeth. Well, the point is. . . run and jump. What in the world are you waiting for, afraid of, backing away from? I mean it is calling your name right? So, jump. Cross the line. Take a flying leap over that ledge. Go!

Now, before some of you panic and say I have gone off the deep end in advocating that we cross lines and go against His word and all of those accusations, let me just set this straight. You are thinking of the wrong line. I am not talking about temptation. In fact, I'm talking about something completely opposite. That line in the sand was not drawn by the Lord, but was drawn by yourself. That ledge and barrier was created by yourself, not the Lord. That cliff was made to take a flying leap off. But, is it not rather amusing how similar that line looks to every other line drawn in the sand? The same reaction to it, yet so different in its purpose. I'm telling you to take a flying leap into the unknown, into a life of chaos and trust, into a life filled with decisions and answers, into a life that He calls us to. See, our mission, as Christians, is to touch the lives of people, to touch nations. We want to carry the message of Christ anywhere and everywhere we can. We want to shout it to the nations and fill the world with its echo. There is no doubt about that.

Yet, so many of us draw lines in the sand when it comes to this calling. We limit what we can do and what we can't do. We put all the uncomfortable or overwhelming situations on the other side of that line. We can see everything we shove over that line and stay away from, but we can't see over the ledge where all the amazing opportunities lie. We are too afraid to cross that line so we can't see what is beyond the possibilities we shove over that line. You can't get over the cliff until you get over the line. And you can't get over the line until you can admit that you are limiting yourself. It is that simple. I don't care who you are or who you think you are. You are limiting yourself. There is not a single person I know, myself included, that has given their all to Jesus. There is still more to give, still more to run with. New opportunities are created every day, new opportunities to give Jesus something you didn't know you previously had. Don't you dare think you are done yet; you have a long way to go.

Of all the lines drawn in the sand around you, this one needs to be crossed, needs to be pushed. You need to go beyond your comfort zone, reaching levels of busyness or serving that you never thought possible. We avoid this line and will at all costs, but we will run across the lines of temptation? If you need a line to run over and feel victorious over, pick this one. You won't want to go back. You will be so lost, yet so found. You will learn that the strength you live with is not yours and never was. It is the Lord's. If you expect to give it all to the Lord or you want to give it all to the Lord, you are going to have to push your endurance in this life. You are going to have to go to depths you never thought possible.

See, I'm what most people would call insane. I have always found joy in building up busyness in my life to a level that I no longer have free time. With over fifteen major projects/organizations I am apart of and two part-time jobs and full time college and my friends and family and my writing endeavors and everything in between, I am anything but sane. I know that. But, ironically, I can handle it. I know I can handle it. If the Lord did not want me to do all of this, I wouldn't have the strength to do it all. If I didn't complete everything in the timely manner I do, the Lord is telling me I need to reset my priorities. To me, I feel incomplete unless I am giving more than I think I can give. I am that way as a person. So, for me, jumping over that cliff or crossing that line seems so extreme to other people. But, He is calling me there. He gives me the rest I need, the refreshment, the strength. I am learning more and more what it means to live a life of a servant; it is giving until you have nothing left and then giving more. You will never run dry when you are running on the Lord's strength.

I realize that some of you may not be called to my life, to the life of doing absolutely everything known to man. Some of you have been called to wait, and in that waiting, it is giving Him your all. That is good; it is absolutely vital that we do not compare lives with others as a measure of how much we are giving the Lord. Our hearts and our consciences direct that and hold us to a higher standard. But, even those of us who are being called to wait, you can give more than what you are. All those days of waiting wear a person out just as much as my busyness can. The attitude in which you wait and what you do while you wait are exactly what determines whether you are crossing the line or not. That line still holds those little opportunities and refinements you refuse to go through while waiting. Waiting is not the lack of doing; it is doing while waiting on His timing.

You have the capability to go far beyond what you are doing now. But you've got to be willing to do it. See, I'm telling you to run and jump. I'm telling you to stop avoiding this. I'm telling you that you want it, no matter how much you try to deny it. I'm telling you that you will love it. There is something about free-falling into the complete unknown with nothing but Him keeping you steady that brings joy and laughter. It is breath-taking. It is tiring. It is genuine. I love simple lives, but I love doing a lot of things. I don't need things to complete my life, but I do need to do things. I want to reach nations. I want to reach hearts. I want to touch lives. And, I know you do too. So, jump. Give up that calm, steady life and take a wild ride. The Lord is waiting for you to give your all to Him, continually and in every way. Your way may not be my way, but the calling is the same.

How He Loves Us: Moments of Grace

My blog has been getting awfully quiet lately, it seems. The busier I get, the more responsibilities I have, the more opportunities I have, the less I seem to find time to write. I cannot write when my heart is tired and heavy. I cannot write when my mind seems to be spinning in a million different directions. But, there are times when I am in the middle of things, thinking, hoping, creating, dreaming, and all of a sudden, the words of the song I am currently listening to as background music register. They slice through the haze of my to-do list and explode as a canopy over a weary heart. Sure, I could very well flip the switch and tell myself that I have more things to do. I could tell the Lord that I already spent time with Him this morning and just cannot listen now because my time is precious. But, the amazing thing is. . . I don't. I don't flip the switch. I don't shake my head in His direction. I don't deny the work He is attempting to do. I just listen.

In those moments, the most relaxing feeling washes over me. I cannot explain how quickly the reality of life just fades. I cannot explain how real He seems; how I can almost feel His breath in my hair as He hugs me. When God meets you in the middle of your day, in the most routine way possible, and messes up the plans within seconds, it is a grace moment. See, I had heard the song over and over and over again during the last year or so. Yes, it is one of my favorite songs. I know the lyrics by heart, and I love the musicality of it. I know the meaning of the words and live by them. However, if any of you have ever had those favorite songs, unless you are really listening and there is nothing else running through your mind at the moment, the power behind the words only vaguely shines through. It does not impact you the same way. It does not shock your heart into existence all the time or steal your breath away. It is just there; it is there for comfort and familiarity and a reminder.

Yet, I have found that there are times when God choses to make those familiar songs the highlight of our day. He knows when we feel stressed, when we feel responsible for everything in the world. He knows when we are ignoring the signs of needing a recharge. He even knows when we are simply too focused and too tired to be able to get to the point of actually relaxing our mind and letting Him through fully. I believe it is in those moments that God says "Look, my child, you need a rest. So, I'm going to give you one." And folks, those are such powerful moments; they are breath-taking, filling. I can physically relax my mind and try to put away the thoughts of today and tomorrow and yesterday, but honestly, I never get completely to that point at times. But, when God says He's going to give me a rest, He really gives me a rest. If I give into simply listening to what He has to say in those moments (and trust me, you know when one of those moments arrive), I find myself so focused on Him and so wrapped up in Him, no matter how well I know the song or how long I have repeated the memorized Bible verses. When His spirit is truly moving inside those words and carrying them far more than just the simple message of the words, there is power there; there is grace.

My grace moment this week came in the middle of school work. It had been a crazy week to say the least. I ended up being called into work on days that I was not scheduled three days in a row, I simply could not find time to do my college work, my online duties and friends were getting neglected, one of the biggest blizzards in history was about to send white out conditions and feet of snow my way, and I just could not get my head wrapped around all the tasks still to do. As was tradition, I finally sat down Thursday evening, able to breathe for the first time all week and just turned on music. I immediately started tackling the remnants of uncompleted homework, letting the music drown out any other thoughts besides that of the court cases I was currently studying. And I can honestly say I heard not a word to any song until this one song came on. It shattered my concentration like never before, tugged at my heart like I had never heard it before, and completely whipped every other thought from my mind. Believe me, there was a little voice there saying that I need to focus again, but I just couldn't. It brought relief, reminders, love, hope, renewal all in one. It is How He Loves Us by David Crowder Band.

And I replayed that song and replayed it and replayed it. Because, in that moment, I was literally overwhelmed by the love He has for me, the grace I am literally drowning in every day. I am His portion and He is my prize. I am drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. My Lord is jealous for me; for me! He is beautiful. He is amazing. This is my Lord! The lyrics are so simple, but they are so true. They are the heart of our relationship with our Lord and Savior. And He chose, deliberately chose, to remind me that His love and His grace and His mercy are the very reason I am sitting here; the very reason I am alive; the very reason I am blessed with as much as I am.

I am passing on the message to each and every one of you today. We know, we all know, at the core that we are loved, that we are blessed, that we are held up by His grace. Yet, there are moments that the Lord choses to impress that one to our hearts more than ever before. Our relationships cannot always be based on feelings, but when we feel Him closer than ever before, it is a moment to treasure. It is a moment to hold on and cherish. Its value is far greater than any riches of this world. The fact that He choses to reach down to Earth to personally and deliberately shape our hearts and mold our lives can touch us in ways we not yet know. He is your Lord. He is your Father. He is your best Friend. Our hearts need grace moments; they need to be sensitive to grace moments. It is in those moments that He surprises us and blesses us in the most monumental ways. Don't miss them. Don't ignore them. Don't over think them. Let them happen; let them capture your heart to the very core; let them define your life.

Dare to Walk on Water

Confidence. One foot placed in front of the other with a resolve, a purpose, a hope, a passion. A list of goals representing decisions, not plans. Speech marked by discretion. A heart willing to take all consequences, no matter the costs. The ability to ground oneself in the truth of another and squash self-doubt. A smile challenging those who dare to investigate the present and past. Poise and steadiness shroud footsteps and shelter emotions. Is this you? I mean, is this really you? Can you honestly stand before me and say that this is your walk, your identity every second of every day, no matter what comes to pass?

I think not. Do not get me wrong here; I have no desire to bring your self-assurance crashing down or discourage you with this. But, in order to truly build a structure with the correct building code and to withstand the weather conditions, you have to start with a strong, solid foundation. And truly, not many of us start with this kind of foundation in regards to our self-assurance and confidence. Instead, we glean our foundation from our pasts, our friends, our families, our teachers, our homes, and our bosses. We forget Who really gave us life, gave us grace, gave His life so that we may live in confidence! I have seen so many confident people with wonderful jobs, beautiful homes, and amazing families; yet, when the fire burns the roof over their heads, when it spreads to consume the comfort of their marriages, and when it ignites their steady income, their confidence is shattered, lying scattered all around them. They no longer have the strength to pick up the shards nor do they have the ability put them back together. They lost the very thing that defined who they were: confident.

Now, I am not talking about pride here, though they do correlate with each other. There is a distinct difference between the two. Healthy and God-fearing people have pride in what He has done and what He will do. They are confident in His existence and His promises and this enables them to have pride in Who He is. Unhealthy pride festers far before confidence is developed, and therefore, relies entirely on the support of others. Not only will the foundation eventually give out, but it will give out completely when it does, shattering one's life. Godly confidence is not unlike faith; the similarities seem endless because you cannot be confident in what you do not fully believe. And faith, by definition, is the belief of something despite the lack of evidence and proof. There are just some things in this life that we will never know, never will understand. Therefore, we need to have faith. Once the foundation of faith and complete trust in the Lord can our ability to have a firm and trustworthy confidence even become a possibility.

Confidence is not a mystery, folks. The ability to bask in its lime light lies right in front of you. You just need to quit looking in all the wrong places. You know the saying that some people just cannot find the right solution until they have tried all the wrong ones? Guess what? The Lord blows that statement right out of the water because He gives you the right solutions all throughout His written word! Yet, we are still found chasing our tails and trying to build ourselves up through other means. Get over your need to go somewhere quickly and just let the Lord do it in the right way within you. Think of when Jesus walked on water. Peter stepped out of the boat, a faith and confidence exploding from his very being as he walked toward Jesus, knowing the waves would hold him as they did his Lord. Yet, his focus slipped, doubt undermined his confidence, and he slipped below the waves. Here is the amazing part though: Jesus went and picked him up and out of the waters. So many people look at Peter as the heart of the story when they think of confidence and faith because he was the one that dared to step out of the boat. But, did you ever think that maybe the punchline of the whole story wasn't Peter stepping out of the boat, but it was Peter getting fished out of the water?

See, confidence falters in real life. It is not a light that burns steadily and never goes out. It will flicker, and it will test you. You cannot just become confident; you build it over a life time. Yet, every time your faith, your confidence in the Lord, falters and you slip below the waves, God will fish you out! He will hold you above the waters and let you gasp in your needed air. Then, He will smile and go "Want to do it again?" That, my friends, is true confidence. It is the ability to trust and know that He will pick you back up. It is the ability to know that you can try again, have the same result, and still be picked back up. It is the ability to repeat the routine fifty, a hundred, a thousand, a million times and still know He will pull you back above water. Confidence is not thinking you will never fall, walking in a life where your decisions are perfect. Confidence is knowing that you will fail, you will slip, you will appear to be drowning, but knowing you will have the opportunity to do it again, and again, and again.

Furthermore, confidence is not based on this life or its promises. The Earth is unstable, shaky, deceiving, and would love nothing more than to have you trusting its whisperings. Society and culture exist amidst the devil and his deceiving lies. He loves to build false confidence in people. The Lord offers a way out. The Lord promises that He will return and conquer the world. He will triumph over the devil and his servants in the end. How, then, can we view this life as anything more than a building and honing experience? We know Who will win. We know Who will live on forever and ever. We know Who will take us home when it is time. What more do we need to know in order to live this life in full confidence, in full trust, in full faith? Our human natures may tell us we need money or we need food or we need a home to truly have a walk of confidence. But, He, our Father in Heaven, provides for even the smallest of birds so that they have more than enough. God will do the same for you; He will not abandon you in the midst of life. Again, I ask. . . what more do you need?

Do not waste your life in chasing after a confidence that breaks every time you make a wrong turn. Do not waste your life in chasing after a foundation that will only collapse one day on you. God has shown you the right solution; pursue it. Trust Him; hold His truth closer to your heart than anything else; dare to walk on water. Believe me, confidence, true confidence, does not begin until you step out of the boat. Do it.

A Letter from Caleb (Numbers 13)

Numbers 13:30: "Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it."

Dear Reader:

The rhythm of the wind hummed its awakening tune as my eyes fluttered open to greet the sunlight's caressing heat and welcome. With a smile curling upon the corners of my mouth, I took a deep breath of the amazing, life-giving air. I shifted my weight slightly as I became subdued to the expansion of my lungs. My eyes sought to take in the individual droplets that hung on the grass blades around me, the tiny insects that continued about their normal tasks, the dirt particles that steadied and protected the roots of the surrounding vegetation; I wanted to see His fingerprints, His awesomeness in even the smallest creation.

Slowly and deliberately, I rolled to my side and pushed myself off the ground. The imprint of my form dented the perfection found within the blades of grass, and I sighed at the sight; I knew the blades would once again reach towards the sun, but for the time being, they looked injured and pressured by the weight of what had burdened them for the past so many hours. I felt for the grass, for it mirrored my heart at the moment. This land, the same land I have been gifted with the privilege of exploring, carried beauty, eloquence, magnificence, and richness I had never seen the likes of before. The crops grew to heights that seemed to reach the sky with strong and steady stalks and stems supporting the fruits of their labor. The grapes hung in breath-taking abundance upon the vines of the vineyards that scattered the landscape. The juice simply filled every inch of the mouth with a desire that could not be quenched. Even the flowers displayed a wide arrange of color and shape. How amazing and simply divine the Lord reveals Himself to be. He made every piece of this, only to loan it to humans like myself.

The dizziness refused to dissipate from the presence of my mind. Taking a deep inhale of sweetly-scented air, I forced myself to embark upon my journey for the day. I knew not where I was headed; I only knew that my feet would carry me upon the roads and fields I was destined to travel. The dew droplets slowly evaporated from my rough clothing and fell from my hair as it swayed in the gentle breeze. My heart was already warming up and filling with praise. My sight strayed towards the Heavens and my whisper echoed in the solitude: "Thank You, my Lord. May Your hand guide me through the expanse of this day’s journey." I did not expect or know of the surprises and challenges He would reveal to me this particular day. Nonetheless, I trusted in His power and His plans; all I had to do was walk.

My feet padded the well-worn road before me. The few passersby cast weary glances my way, but I did not let them burden me. My eyes traveled up and down their forms: the muscles massively formed, the hands larger than my own, the mere height of them that made me appear to be only a child! Could it be? God had created these beings with such ferocity and smoothness at the same time. I could feel the seed of fear and worry weaving its way into my original excitement, but with great care, I shook it from me. Why should I be shocked and afraid of these massive humans? Did not God create and form them with His very hands? If He breathed life into them, surely He could destroy them just as easily.

The pounding of my heart quieted as I reached the grain fields ahead. My eyes swept the plains, catching only a glimpse of the sheer masses of food He had blessed this land with. The end of the field met a towering wall. I craned my neck as I tried to see the top of the walls. A slow gasp escaped my lips as the gate swung open; the question posed to me by the guard barely registered in my mind as I slipped through the opening, feeling as small as an ant in the menacing fortress I had stumbled upon. The streets weaved in between the buildings, all formed with delicate and intricate stone work. The people of the town shuffled in and out of entrances, carrying a plethora of items and goods. The enticing scent of food reached my nostrils, but I dared not satisfy my desires for fear of missing just the tiniest bit of detail.

The sun was setting upon the horizon, filling the skies with a vast array of colors and layers. I left the city and sought my bedding for the night. A small cave presented itself in a matter of a moment. Tears dripped from my eyes and cascaded down upon my cheeks and neck. My knees hit the cave floor below me as I sought to comprehend all that I had witnessed, all that I had experienced. I could feel the doubt and the fear hanging like a threatening cloud upon my heart, but I cast it away with a single swipe of my hand. I knew He was great. I knew He was all-powerful. I knew He was mighty. I knew He was truthful. I knew He would give all He had promised. The sights, smells, and textures of the land flooded my mind as I thought of Him. The only reason they were there was to magnify Him and glorify Him. I had seen the delicate and the powerful; I had seen the good and the bad; I had seen a land full of His fingerprints. With that thought, my eyelids blacked out the night sky and my heart rested in peace, knowing that the Lord would be with me and His people for the battles to come within this land.

In Him,
Caleb

Letting Go

I once heard a story regarding a lone mountain hiker. The looming cliff edges dropped endlessly on either side, rough and rugged and sure to bring death. Lugging a pack heavier than himself, he hiked steadily on, ignoring the beauty around him simply to arrive at his destination. A worn boot slipped on the gravel, his whole body catapulting downward. Reflexes will toned, he desperately grasped the rushing rock wall before him and watched the heavy pack hit the valley below and shrew its contents like paper. His breath caused his chest to rise and fall, parching his mouth of saliva in his fear of witnessing what could become of him if he had not caught the rock, if he let go. Muscles burning, he instantly started shouting for help, praying his cries would echo enough to attract another's attention. Minutes passed before a strange whisper traveled down the rock walls, causing slight shudders to shake his body.

Do you trust Me? Relief poured through the crevices of his mind, simply glad to know Someone had heard him. Yes! Yes! I trust You. Silence answered his response, worry furrowing his brow. You knew Me once, My child. Do you remember? Thoughts raced through his head, the many verses ingrained repeatedly in his feeble mind since childhood. Yes! I remember. I have always known You. I just do not always need You. The same whisper answered his honesty. Do you need Me now? Do you really trust Me? Desperation trickled into his voice, muscles ready to give up to fatigue. Yes! Yes! I trust You. Help me! The next words barely reached the man's ears. Then, let go. The silence, from both man and Whisperer, washed over the entire valley. Suddenly, the man shifted his weight on his hold and shouted again to the emptiness. Is anyone else there?!

Granted, the story itself is not true, but the message it carries is timeless. The words continued to echo in my mind for the following hours, haughtily berating the man for ever denying God's help and complete control over his life. What kind of Christ-follower would do such a thing, would deny such a miracle, would deny the extended hand of the Lord? Then it hit me: I am the man in that story. You are the man in that story. We are the man in that story.

How many times have we allowed our trust in the Lord to be based on the security of what He requests of us? How many times have we allowed ourselves to miss out on amazing opportunities, miraculous discovers, and pure friendships simply because we let our minds talk us into being useless, inadequate, too exposed, or not ready? The Lord did not call qualified men to follow Him; He did not chose the men pouring with wisdom and knowledge in every aspect of His law. He chose a former slave to save Egypt, He chose a fearful Queen to save her people, He chose a prostitute to be included in Christ's linage, He chose a man on the run to save the people of a sinful town, He chose a invisible young woman to bear His Son, He chose fishermen and a tax collector to follow Him. The Bible is full of ordinary people, of people who did nothing more than live their everyday lives, talents, and passions out for the glory of their Lord, even though no one else saw.

God did not chose people who knew much; He chose people who could learn much. He did not chose people who had it all figured out; He chose people who relied completely on His all-knowing plans. You are a Peter, a Joseph, a Mary, a John, a Joshua, a Caleb, a Jonah, a Matthew, a Ruth. You are just like the people of the Bible. You were meant for so much more than this life, so much more than what you are now. He longs to grow you, build you, push you, stretch you, change you, fill you, hold you, strengthen you. And one thing stands in your way. . . do you trust Him?

I am not talking about the kind of trust that thrives when you are secure in your job, when your marriage is amazing, when your plans are working out, when your passions are getting fulfilled. I am talking about the kind of trust that stands when you are stripped of your possessions, when you are stripped of your job, your wife, your finances, your country, your dignity; when you are all but hanging from a cliff, muscles cramping, eying your scattered dreams on the valley below you. Will you trust Him then? Will you let go? Will you, in your feeble, human understanding, let your mind settle on the thought of falling thousands of feet and not knowing if you will come out of the other side alive? Will you face that situation with tears of joy at His whisper and listen with an undying faith and trust in His goodness or will you instead turn to another simply to salvage what little life you have left?

Folks, what captivity do we subject ourselves to? How can we scream our freedom with chains still around out neck because we dare not trust, dare not fall, dare not seek the impossible? In every event in life, there is one choice you have to make at every corner, one decision. Will you trust and follow Him or will you trust and follow yourself? Life is not a science. The Lord Himself has said that he who loses his life will find it. He is your refuge; He is your strength; He is your faithful; He is your all. I don't know about you, but when I am hanging from a cliff looking thousands of miles downward, I pray with every piece of my heart that my trust, my faith, my hope in Him is strong enough that I will let go, that I will fall. What about you?

Complete Abandon at the Foot of the Cross

Regret. You all know the feeling from your very core, filling every vacant corner of your floundering mind as soon as you discover that something could have been done differently, done better. A task assigned to you days ago failed to be completed to perfection, and the lectures from others have only begun. Yet, the voice that does the most lecturing, far more than any single person, is the voice inside your mind, wrecking havoc and tossing guilt in your face. It causes a divide in your thoughts, pulling your focus away from the tasks at hand to mentally correct your mistakes permanently apart of a past. As natural as this reaction may seem, have you ever considered how unhealthy it is? Look at what you are filling your mind with: anger, frustration, regret, possibly denial. Yet, God calls us to fill our minds with the good, with the reality of hope, love, and forgiveness. Why do we succumb to a lesser version of who God is calling us to be when we do something wrong, when we fail Him?

Please, do not mistake me here. Pondering on our actions of the past, learning from their consequences, and implicating lessons learned in the future is an absolutely necessary process to recognizing God's hand in our lives and growing in Him. But prolonged time spent looking in the past, discovering every possible angle we could have gone, and deceiving our minds into thinking that dwelling on that is part of the learning process hurts us and hurts our relationship with the Lord. God has chosen to look through Jesus, to look through Jesus's death on calvary, instead of our sinfulness. For us to chose the path of regret and self-beating only draws our mind away from the reality of Christ, from the reality of what Christ did for us. It deadens our inner balance, threatens our peace, and gives a foothold to the devil.

I speak of this with such urgency and forthrightness because I have been there and still go there. The temptation to rely on my own good works over God's grace is so real in my life, so raw. It has nothing to do with how confident I am in my Lord, my Salvation, and who I am at heart. It has everything to do with my desire to follow and please God taking precedence over my need to seek continually forgiveness, address sins, and recognize that perfectionism will not be the result. A mixture of apathy and pride guard this all too familiar thought-process, holding captive the true potential God has for me. It spreads seeds of doubt on the soil of my life, and it takes such careful steps to not let a drop of water fall on those seeds. I want to be a good example, live as a good example. Yet, at the same time, I do not always want to address the dark places of my heart because I know that which is hidden there will threaten to shake my foundation. The question I ask myself nearly every single day is will I rely on myself, on my own wisdom, or the wisdom of God in any given situation.

See, the line between pursuing good works and pursuing God is such a fine one. It is a line draw in sand and winds will eventually blow enough grains of sand into the crevasse to make it all but disappear from our sight. And every day we will inch closer to that line, simply to make sure we know where it is at. How utterly foolish. We should be running from that line. If the tidal waves of life are all that meet you upon running, meet them with the confidence that you are in God's ways and in His power and in His grace. The surface of His grace and His love for you will never crack and will hold any and all weight over the surface of your good works absent of grace. For every moment we live in this life, it is vital, necessary, to constantly bring the reality of the cross, what Christ did for us, to the very forefronts of our minds. Because, trust me folks, our feeble minds forget that reality all too often and get far too comfortable in our current lives and our current ways. Each and every one of us is all to grow, to grown in the Lord every second of every day. You cannot do that when you focus on doing good over seeking Him.

Our growth in Him directly corresponds with our willingness to seek Him with utter and complete abandon, to hold His love and grace so close to our hearts that we see everything else through that bright light. My heart is weak, my mind easily swayed, my ways flawed, my dreams tinted with impossibility, my footsteps uncertain, my thoughts marked by sinfulness, but not so are His. His heart is strong, His mind firm, His ways perfect, His dreams awe-inspiring, His footsteps deep and set, His thoughts pure. I do not know about you, but I want His; I want Him. And the only possible way I can draw close to Him and tap into His ways is by letting His love and His grace be my guide and letting His love for me grow with so much vigor that I cannot help but follow the ways of the good.

I reach out to your hearts with a plea today, with a hope that all ears would listen. We are not called to dwell on the past, to dwell on the actions of who we were days ago. Each minute we live is put into the history book of all time. The great men and women of history were not marked because of their failures so much as they were their ability to overcome failure and live a life that spoke to so many people in so many different ways. We have that opportunity standing right before us, waiting for us to cross the threshold between simply good to being great. We cannot look back; we can only look forward. Your future is not in your past; it is not in the hour that just passed. Your future is completely and totally enveloped within His presence, His hands, and His suffering for us. That is what we are called to. That is what we should pursue. That is what we should fill our minds with. We are the Lord's children, and we are His alone. Remember that fact whenever you are tempted to get by on your own dealings; whenever tempted to practice self-lecture; whenever tempted to draw close to the line in the sand. Dare to be bold; dare to live in His confidence; dare to be His.