The Tale of Two Dogs

My Pastor once told a rather humorous tale about his two dogs. These joyful animals loved to run and explore; so much so that their explorings often took them beyond the boundaries of their yard. Squirrels, noise, and other curious creatures and interruptions led them to trespass on others' lands. Well, my Pastor knew something had to be done. Therefore, he installed an underground, electric fence. The electric zap that buzzed throughout the poor animals' bodies would most likely provide enough encouragement to stay away from those forbidden places.

It definitely worked for dog number one; it only took one punishing shock to keep that dog content with remaining on the porch for the rest of its life. Dog number two? Not so much. This dog would go and sit right on the edge, right inside that boundary that would severely punish him, should he dare to cross it. And his eyes were trained on that single squirrel. Every part of its brain was yelling "squirrel!" Would this dog dare to cross the threshold? It did not take much thinking. It was worth it, so worth it. He ran across the line, yelping in pain as electricity shot through its veins. But, oh yes, it was worth it. He was free and running after that amazingly tempting little squirrel. Dog number two just never learned. It was always, always, always choosing the brief seconds of pain over letting that squirrel run out of its sight.

There are very few stories that provoke true laughter out of me; this one definitely did. Not that shocking dogs is funny, but the fact that dog number two never gave up --- now that was priceless. This is definitely going to be a part by part blog post. I cannot even begin to delve into all the parallels within this story within one blog post. And it is probably better if you know the secret ahead of time; dog number two ---- yep, that would be me. The lessons that dog number two taught me contained a very interesting combination of good and bad. It is not so much that running through electric fences is a bad idea (theoretically here... don't try it), but it is more of what exactly we are running through it for; what we are chasing basically.

So, I welcome you all to follow me through a series of posts, while I explore a few lessons I have been taught about running through electric fences. . . .

Just Stop

On Friday night, I was staring down at the incredibly long list that told of the mounds of school work I still had to accomplish. I was tired, exhausted. A mere fifteen hours of sleep did not provide near enough adequate rest for five days. My heart was heavy. I knew my times with the Lord had been cut short for the last few days; my survival instincts for good grades in school starting substituting bits of my time with Him for extra time spent on homework, term papers, music preparation, speeches, and studying. The next morning, thirteen hours of sleep later, I awoke to the news that my grandfather had passed away.

My reaction displayed that of shock; for me at least, there was no warning. The shock turned to an utter and overwhelming feeling of stress; his funeral was taking place during my finals for school and my final due dates for term papers. Everything that I had worked so hard on and prepared for was going to have to taken at a later time, and, most likely, a very inconvenient time. My preparation did not go to waste exactly, but it did mean that my one weekend that was coming up was not going to be nearly as relaxing or reviving as I thought it would be. It was the one weekend out of the whole year that I actually looked forward to as there would be nothing hanging over my head to be completed. That hope was thrown out of the window.

As I frantically scrabbled to somehow organize the scheduling for making up finals and completing work, He chose to stop me right were I was. In the haste of my previous morning's devotional, I had scribbled three Bible verses on the back of my notebook, intending to ponder them later. As was probably predicted, I did not actually get around to pondering them until right then.

Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. (Proverbs 16:3)

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength. (Proverbs 17:22)

You can make plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail. (Proverbs 19:21)

The only resounding thought I had left in my mind after reading those verses was "stop!" And thank goodness, I did. How many times during the past week did I make plans and commit my actions to something other than God? How many times did I see only my purpose in my planning rather than what God had in store? How many times had I grumbled and complained about how I hated school and how I regretted not taking my leave early? No wonder I was always exhausted. No wonder I was always tired. No wonder my grades had been suffering. No wonder I felt overwhelmed.

I had done it again, after seeing the results millions of times. I was so focused on what needed to get done that I had sacrificed my focus on what He needed me to do. My broken and burdened spirit had taken all of my joy and my strength. I had made plans, but failed to give them to the Lord. Yet another instant where I wanted control and I wanted power rather than letting Him have the control and Him have the power.

It took the death of my grandfather to show me that. It took the Lord's complete trashing of all of my plans to show me that. It took me stopping where I was in order to listen to the Voice that had been trying to talk to me all week. The grief of what I had done to my Lord compounded with the ignored grief over my grandfather's passing. While the pain is still there, I am moving on. I am moving forward knowing that my grandfather has joined my grandmother in heaven and that he is so much happier up there. I stand strong on His grace knowing that the next few days will be tough, but I will make it through every one of them; if only, I would not forget Whom I am really following.

New Year Resolutions

New Year Resolutions. The most commonly made list on New Year's day, and the biggest question people face upon the return to work or school. If I were to form a list of New Year Resolutions, what lessons would I find within the list of goals I have set for the coming year? What kind of attitudes or heart-cries would be revealed within myself?

As an experiment, I once made a list of New Year Resolutions for 2009; this list contained everything I was looking for, everything I wanted, everything I had failed at during the last year, everything that I thought needed to be accomplished or re-done. However, I soon realized just how dangerous that list became as I tried to fulfill it during the coming months after that day. Everything on the list contained the word "I." My goals were based on me, centered around me, and made by me. Where did God come in?

God was in that list; His name was written within most, if not all, of the bulleted points, but that was all. He was written in the list, but He was not the focus of the list. I recognized in each point that I needed His help to accomplish the goals I was making, but I was not recognizing my need to achieve the goals for Him. I was subconsciously planning out my life and my desires on what I thought was best for me. I forgot who really controlled my life, who I had given my very heart to, who I had entrusted my failures and triumphs to, who I had chosen to love, who I had accepted the gift of life from. Why did such a simple list lead me to such a dangerous place in my life?

Actually, the list did not lead me there; my heart did. The list revealed to me the depths of my heart, the corruption that was still present and being allowed to fester within the hidden dark places. The list revealed that I had again fallen into the trap of living out a lie. I had built up so much image, so much knowledge, but let it fill only the places that I had thought needed filling. I learned so much about the Lord, sought to please Him and to do my best in every area, but I failed to really understand how He even fit into the equation.

The list itself was not the danger, but it became the very tool by which the true intent, the true desires of the heart were revealed through. The Lord used that list and my devotion to the fulfilling of that list to reveal what should have been handed over to Him long ago. It revealed just how closed-hearted I had become to the Truth and the Way to Life. It had shown me who I was really living life for at the time and where it was taking me. It had revealed to me how shallow I was as a person. It revealed to me the fear of failure, belief, and change that I had been harboring within the corners of my heart. It revealed my absolute lack of faith, of love, of truth, of hope, of courage, of honesty, and of every good thing there was. Most of all, it revealed the unchanged heart of myself, of a person unwilling to submit to an all loving, all power, all mighty, all knowing Father.

I wish I had that list today for it would serve as a very good reminder of who I truly am a part from Christ, but I do not. I am hoping that this year my goals have changed. As I sat down with my pen to write down the goals for 2010, I found that I had nothing to write. As my pen touched the paper several times, it never made a mark. At last, I found the only words that I could honestly write on that paper. They did not come out in the form of a bullet or in the form of a goal, but in the form of a cry, a hope, a dream, a desire. It was not written to myself, it was not a reminder to myself. It was simply the only honest thing I could say.

Lord, change me. Take everything I have and make it all about You. I just want to love You.

Humility Through Words....

As Christmas approaches, we are likely to be receiving, as well as giving, many gifts, kind words, and gentle actions. Often times, a seemingly humble heart tells us that we definitely do not deserve these gifts. And according to culture and our humanity- filled thinking, voicing that fact is vital. However, upon speaking those words, we are actually hindering the true spirit of humility from shining forth.

By saying that we are so unworthy of gifts, praise, and kind comments, we walk a dangerous line of cultivating pride, self-centeredness, and false humility. We may not intentionally be harboring these seeds within our hearts, but we often times mask the small roots by our elaborate and denying thoughts and words. Our words are direct reflections of our hearts. What comes from our mouths must first be bred within our hearts. Therefore, we should strive to let God fill and change our hearts into pure ones so that our words may also represent that of purity.

As our mouths speak phrases such as “I do not deserve such a gift” or “I should be the one thanking you,” we are instantly directing the conversation right back to ourselves. Instead of simply accepting the giver’s words or gifts, we feel obligated to inform the giver about our short comings. We direct the conversation from their heart-felt praise or giving to what we think about ourselves. This not only brings us to a self-centered attitude, but it also can make the givers themselves feel unworthy or unknowledgeable in their kind-hearted actions.

However, it may not even stop there; this snow ball may keep rolling and building. Pretty soon, our self-centeredness in these responses can build into a feeling of pride. Or, these responses may very well be the result of pride. Our seemingly humble responses direct the conversation back to ourselves and away from the very change that has made us who we are, God. What we say about ourselves becomes more important than what we have said or should say about God. Upon the build up of this self-centered pride, we then become people displaying none other than false humility. This is a very dangerous place to be in because it often blinds us to our pride and our self-centeredness. It becomes even more dangerous because the surrounding community often fails to catch and confront us with this false humility. In their eyes, our long, drawn out responses appear to be humbler than the person that just speaks a simple ‘thank you.’

Do not be deceived. If one’s heart is truly filled with humility, with heart-felt gratitude, with love for others, it would seek to be a blessing to others with its words. And the best way to do this, when receiving gifts or praise or anything that we feel we do not deserve, is to simply say ‘thank you.’ We should not focus on our own unworthiness, our own faults, or our own mistakes. We should simply have a heart that is focused on God, one that has no other words to say except ‘thank you.’ We should not focus on our pride and fall into the trap of displaying a false humility to those around us. We should instead step forward and contradict the rules of culture. We should be filled with simplicity, with love, with appreciation; all of which is voiced with a simple ‘thank you.’

Even more so, we are worthy. We were made worthy. The gifts we receive this Christmas season are nothing in comparison to the gift given to us from the ultimate Giver. Because we have received His gift, we are all cleaned and made worthy. One of my dear friends pointed this fact out the best in her heart-felt blog post.

However, I would like to add a disclaimer here. There will be times when an extended ‘thank you’ is proper, and even necessary, in order to let the gift-giver know that their gift or comment is truly appreciated. But, the key here is that the ‘thank you’ itself should be extended, not that we should turn around and focus the conversation on ourselves. Secondly, our thank yous to our Lord and Savior may very well be tear-filled and full with thoughts of unworthiness, as it is indeed true. But, in most situations, a simple ‘thank you’ holds more weight and value than all the words one can muster up to describe one’s gratitude.

Therefore, I challenge each and every one of you to step up and greet this Christmas season with true humility. To seek to bless the givers with your words, to let your words of thanks pour from a humble heart, and to not be afraid to simply say ‘thank you.’

Ode to Winter

Soft, delicate crystals fall from an ancient sky,

gently claiming a spot nestled between other flakes.

A blanket of cold freezes the soft mud through

and the weakened sun reflects off the angled,

softened ice. The glistening ground moves

as the gusts pick up, hastily lifting a traveling

chain of sparkling specks. And sweeping them

across the barren plains, the flakes pile gently

upon striped and weathered bark; forming a

picturesque forest of white and brown. Slowly

shifting, moving, sweeping, the snow settles into

uneven piles and banks. Occasionally, an animal

smears the beauty with pawed stamps and mars

the crisp smoothness. Not a bird is heard, not a

creature stirs, only the whispering of swaying trees

and talking winds holds the attention of the Universe.

Calming and peaceful, winter inhabits the earth.

Why so much peace? Why so much silence? The beauty

such a season holds, captures a heart and soul; like the

brilliance that will shine from the Lord’s face upon the

day His kingdom will fully reign. It holds the breath-

taking resolution and invites one to lay its hands upon the

flawless surface and heart. The snow draws us near

to the pure white throne, no longer marred by sin and

animals. Invitingly, the branches pull one’s weeping

heart into a holy embrace. Winter restores the purity

and simplicity that loses meaning with time. It incites

a feeling of longing and holds the ultimate satisfaction.

It gives to whoever willingly receives its truth and

clings the willing recipient close.

Winter is more than a season; it is more than a sight.

It has feelings, longings, hopes, and dreams that it

longs to instill in each person’s heart. Upon the earth,

God has bestowed a gift; a direct representation of the

One who has reigned, is reigning, and will reign eternally.

Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, Mirror, why do I see,
Such ugly things staring back at me?

Why do I see an ugly body and unfit face?
Why do I feel such disgrace?

My reflection is not what I am meant to see,
But it just keeps staring right back at me.

Go away, go away!
The mirror is not the answer and it will lead me astray.

Instead, I must look inside,
The place where the Holy Spirit hides.

He is always fixing that reflection,
But according to the mirror, inner beauty has no dimension.

Cover up that glass
And say good-bye at last.

Then look inside,
That’s where the real beauty abides.

He made the heart first,
And He filled it with so much wonders that it might have burst.

The treasure is found within,
Where all desires, wants, and needs fill the golden tin.

The Sculpturer forms and shapes it bit by bit,
And makes all perfect things evenly fit.

Listen to His voice and give Him your heart,
So that He can make it a work of art.

The mirror is not the answer,
All it provides is self-degrading cancer.

But, the answer is found in He,
He who holds my heart with much glee.

Lord...What Path Will I Choose?

Lord, I see You now, but what about when the troubles of life set in?

Will my faith remain
or will it die from within?

Will the light of hope burn vigorously
or will it be snuffed out?

Will I rejoice when the trials come
or will I cry out in doubt?

Will I look elsewhere for encouragement
or will I come running to You for strength?

Will I stop to rest
or will I run the trial’s full length?

Will I hunger but find nothing
or will I find everything but not hunger?

Will I follow the right path
or will I become a helpless wonderer?

I know that You will be there for me but will I turn towards
or away from You?

Will me focus remain
or will it break in two?

Will I become so exhausted that I faint
or will I renew my strength while You hold me upright?

Will I go forth in victory
or will I give into my fright?

Will I turn to You for wisdom
or will I turn to myself?

Will I look for answers in Your Word
or will I let it sit on the shelf?

Will I be on my knees, praying for direction
or will I continue walking, relying on my own guidance?

Will I stubbornly stumble along the wrong path
or will I cop up to my own blindness?

Will I continue to love those around me
or will I look on them with hate?

Will I resist the evil temptations
or will I take the bait?

Will I cry out in joy
or in pain at what things there are to gain?

Will I forgive my enemies
or will I let my anger reign?

Will new roots of knowledge sprout
or will they die in a sudden drought?

Will the thought of You bring new life
or a painful cry of self-doubt?

Will I take hold of Your walking stick
or will I throw it aside?

Will I turn away from You
or to Your plan will I abide?

Will I look forward to the end
or will I long to begin again?

Will I guard my heart from worldly desires
or will I let it be blown away by the wind?

Lord, when those times come, help me to follow all Your ways,
Help me grow in my very little faith.
Help me to place in You my trust,
And not let my morals turn to dust.
When the evening of the day comes around,
Help my hope to become abound.
With a great leap, I will follow Your plan,
And I will let myself become apart of Your clan.
My love for You will shine from my face,
As I continue to experience Your wonderful grace.
Your hand will wipe my tears away,
And in Your presence I will long to stay.
For Your glory will fill me with awe,
So much so, the You will have to close my jaw.
As I stand before You now,
To my knees, I will surely bow.
And joy will fill my heart and I will praise You out loud,
While again I bow down.
So, Lord, with all that said and done,
I will come to You at a full run.
I will always look forward, never back,
And until I meet You, my pace will never slack!